Strong Medicine
by Once Upon A Time
Summary: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and takes matters into her own hands. Newest THREE chapters up on May 9
1. Prologue: 99 Percent Accurate

**LAST EPISODE SEEN**: _Gaza_  
**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Kim and Jay are mine (you'll meet them later), as are Alan and Chris—no one else belongs to me. I'll give them back unharmed when I'm done.  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;)

* * *

**Prologue: 99% Accurate**

* * *

She carefully checked her calendar three times before freaking out. First it was one day late, but I wasn't concerned, because she was pretty stressed lately, and stress can do that to a person. However, when one day turns into five, and then five turns into ten, then there's something going on. Self-denial of such an obvious fact can only get a person so far before she goes absolutely insane.  
  
Donnatella Moss was sitting in front of her desk on Monday morning, staring into the mirror of her compact and that little nagging voice in the back of her mind screamed, "Something's up. You know what it is, but you can't say the word. You're pregnant." Later, in front of the mirror in her bedroom, she would answer back, over and over again, "Not pregnant. Not pregnant." She could repeat that phrase until she was blue in the face if she so chose, but lying out loud to oneself when the mind knows the truth is rather an exercise in futility.  
  
It was Monday evening (technically Tuesday morning, but who's counting?) when she stopped at the 24-hour-drugstore on the way home from work purchased that little box of answers. It said "Easy Home Pregnancy Test: 99% Accurate." Donna couldn't stomach looking at the cashier, so she went to one of those self-checkout lines. When people buy embarrassing products like that, they suddenly feel like they have the name of the product written on their foreheads in big red letters. It's a really paranoid, scary feeling.  
  
After paying for her test, she took the metro back to her apartment, afraid to meet anyone's glances during the whole ride back to the Rhode Island Avenue stop. Opening the box, Donna said a quick prayer and made the Sign of the Cross. Feeling hypocritical about her lapsed Catholicism, she also promised to attend Sunday service if God would grant her a negative result.  
  
After peeing on the stick like the back of the box said to do, she waited...  
  
And waited for what felt like an eternity.  
  
It's only 10 minutes before a reading is supposed to come out, but it felt like hours—days, even. Donna half expected to look at the clock and realize that she was late for work—and only five minutes had gone by. Knowing the old adage, "A watched pot never boils," she decided to go watch some television. Anyway, after those ten torturous minutes were up, there it was, clear as day—2 pink lines.  
  
Positive. She had flunked the one test that truly mattered. 


	2. Remedy

**LAST EPISODE SEEN**: _Gaza_  
**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Kim and Jay are mine as are Alan and Chris—no one else belongs to me. I'll give them back unharmed when I'm done  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;)

* * *

**Remedy**

* * *

  
Quick Menstrual Math Lesson: 2 weeks from a missed period 2 weeks from supposed date of conception (approximately) to date of missed period = 4 weeks pregnant. Good to know this.  
  
On Tuesday night Donna was sitting around on her bed in the shared bedroom of her apartment trying to chart her own cycle and figure out when she had gotten pregnant. This would eliminate one of two possible fathers from the picture: One was Sam's friend Alan, whom she had gone out with a few times and really liked. However, there was the one disadvantage to being Alan's girlfriend—Alan was married, which was something that Alan had never bothered to tell her. They had gotten drunk and Alan said he knew Sam from law school...and when Donna questioned Sam, well, let's just say it all fell apart from there.  
  
While grieving over the loss of Alan, she met Chris. Chris was a 26-year- old staff assistant at thee GAO that she had met while in a bar in Foggy Bottom. Very cute, but he didn't call back, so he ended up as a one-night- stand. Maybe Josh was right when he said that all the guys she dated were gomers. She was starting to believe that herself.  
  
"The father thing will have to wait," she thought, "because right now I need a plan." She knew from the start that she couldn't go through with a full-term pregnancy, so she grabbed her trusty Yellow pages from the bookshelf.  
  
Just then her roommate came home. "Donna! I'm home, but only for a few minutes. Jay is picking me up in 20 minutes—I'm staying over his house tonight, so can you feed the cat before you leave in the morning?"  
  
"Sure, Kim—the can in the fridge, right?"  
  
"Yeah, and some of the stuff in the bag on the microwave. And make sure you refill his water dish!"  
  
"No problem. Have a good night!"  
  
"Donna?" Kim popped her head into Donna's room for a moment and grabbed the condom box off her dresser, "Mind is I borrow one or two?"  
  
"Go ahead. It's not like I'll be needing them for a while."  
  
Kim smiled. "Thanks, Donna! You're the best. I'll see you when you get home from work tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess. Bye!"  
  
The slamming of the door signaled Kim's exit and Donna opened up the large directory in front of her to the A section—Abortion services and Alternatives. "There are no alternatives for someone like me," she thought wearily.  
  
After calling a multitude of clinics, she realized that she had to take this into her own hands. Waiting two more weeks for an appointment might possibly kill her sanity and her wallet—Who knew that such a procedure could be so expensive? She remembered that a college roommate of hers had done an abortion herself with tea.  
  
Sometimes, it comes in handy to have once had an Obstetrician boyfriend who left behind all his old medical school textbooks. Looking through those textbooks, she located an emmenogogue recipe to induce a miscarriage. All she had to do was brew a tea with some pennyroyal, blue and black cohosh every 4 hours for 5 days and her situation would be over with.  
  
Now to figure out how to tell her boss that she would need five days off from work. Donna decided to tell him the truth, as all her other excuses would involve Josh offering to accompany her for support—A funeral, family reunion (though she would have had to tell him far in advance), a wedding. "Geez," she thought, "the fact that he is so nice to me really screws things up sometimes." 


	3. Four Columns

**LAST EPISODE SEEN**: _Gaza_  
**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Kim and Jay are mine as are Alan and Chris—no one else belongs to me. I'll give them back unharmed when I'm done  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;) Also, this is getting kinda controversial in nature. If you are not a member of the pro-choice leaning, then you may want to stop here. Oh, and this is in response to feedback (yay for feedback!) that I recieved saying that Donna should maybe be thinking more about her decision rather than hsatily just rushing into anything. I concur, so here's my answer to that. Now, as for the "Josh is the father" feedback, I'm not so big on that. But thanks for the feedback anyway :)

* * *

**

  
Four Columns  
  


**

* * *

On Wednesday, the day when she was to go buy her herbs and start the ball rolling, Donna suddenly began to doubt everything she thought she was sure of. In her diary, she began to write down everything she was thinking:  
  
"I'm not even sure about what to do. I mean, I know I can't raise a child. That I'm sure of. I can't go through with a pregnancy. I can't. But can I go through with terminating one? I'm not sure if I can do that. On the other hand, what if this is the only chance I have to become a mother? How would the people around me react if they knew what I was going through right now? God, this is too damned difficult. I mean, why can't this all just go away?"  
  
"Plotting out your life can be very tiring," Donna thought aloud.  
  
Continuing to write, she made a pro-and-con list. Knowing that she couldn't raise a child alone on a government salary, she made 4 columns: Adoption Pros, Adoption Cons, Abortion Pros and Abortion Cons.  
  
45 minutes later, the "Adoption Pros" column read:  
--I could help the child have parents who want it and can care for it.  
--I could postpone being a parent myself until later in my life when I feel ready.  
--I like the idea of giving someone else that which they can't create themselves.  
  
And the "Adoption Cons" column read:  
--I don't think I could give up a baby after nine months of pregnancy and delivery.  
--I would worry about whether the baby was being well treated.  
  
The "Abortion Pros" column read:  
--An abortion is a safe and sensible way to take care of an unwanted pregnancy.  
--I won't have to continue with an unwanted pregnancy  
--It's less of a financial burden than going through with 9 mos. of prenatal vitamins, doctor visits, etc.  
--No one has to know unless I choose to let them know  
  
and then the "Abortion Cons" column read:  
--I might not be able to get pregnant again.  
--I don't know whether or not the people closest to me oppose abortion.  
  
After 15 minutes of looking at the list, Donna decided that she couldn't let the feelings of the people around her determine what she was going to do with her body and eliminated a few of her points, leaving her with the "Abortion Pros" column.  
  
Sighing to herself, Donna glanced at the ceiling and muttered a silent prayer to no particular deity, "Please let me have made the right choice."  
  
And so she went to price out her herbs. 


	4. A Difficult Situation

**LAST EPISODE SEEN**: _Gaza  
_**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: The folks in this chapter, unfortunately, aren't mine. If they were, I wouldn't be searching the web to find college scholarships right now.  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;-)

* * *

**A Difficult Situation**

* * *

She had been rehearsing it in front of her mirror at home since last night until it sounded okay, but somehow, standing in his office, talking to his empty chair, it didn't feel right coming out of her mouth. "_Josh_, I'm pregnant. Josh, I'm _pregnant_." It still didn't sound right.  
  
"DONNA!" Ahh, the moment of truth.  
  
"CJ needs to talk to you about a quote in the Times, you have Senior Staff at 9, a meeting with Breckinridge at 11 and you're going over the wording of the speech for the dinner tomorrow with Sam and Toby at 2," Donna rattled off, following Josh into his office and shutting the door. "And we need to talk."  
  
"About?"  
  
"I'm kind of in a...difficult _situation_."  
  
"Who do you want me to break a date with?"  
  
"No, nothing like that." She rolled her eyes at the thought, only briefly considering the irony of what was coming next.  
  
"Then what's the problem?"  
  
Donna took a breath then began talking very fast, "JoshI'mpregnantandIwashopingforsomeadvice. Josh?"  
  
He was still wide-eyed, not quite hearing her. "Donna, you sound like the guy at the end of the drug commercials talking about side effects. Speak slowly."  
  
Dragging out every syllable for dramatic effect, she repeated slowly, "Josh-I-am-preg-nant-and-I-do-not-know-what-to-do-a-bout-it. Josh? Earth to Josh!"  
  
Of course, after hearing the word "pregnant," Josh's mouth dropped open and he stood there, staring at her though not quite hearing anything after that. "Sorry Donna, I am just rather surprised to hear this. How," he gestured at his abdomen, "are you?"  
  
"Not very, but my period is 2 weeks late...That puts me about four weeks in," Donna said hesitantly, reiterating all the math and research she had done over the past few days.  
  
Josh took a sip of the water on his desk. "I hate to ask you this," he said, the volume of his voice growing softer with each word, "but are you _keeping_ it?"  
  
Donna glared at him. "Really, Josh. You should know better."  
  
Josh gulped before continuing slowly, "So you need maternity leave or something?"  
  
"Joshua! I work the same hours you do and yet still bring work home with me. You really think I have the time and patience, much less the desire, to raise a baby right now? I barely have time to feed my cat and empty a litter box much less be there 24-7 for a child." Donna was getting sadder and angrier with each sentence.  
  
"Please don't shout, Donna."  
  
Donna realized what she was doing and peered around, hoping that no one was around her boss' office to hear the details of today's screaming match. Sitting down in the visitor's chair, she said quietly, "Sorry. What I need a few days off." Unable to look her boss in the eye and say it, she stared at the floor instead and fiddled with the last button on her blouse.  
  
As soon as Josh realized what she meant by her words, he grew quiet, just looking at the pen on his desk. "Okay," he said softly, "Take all the time you need." As Donna rose, Josh offered his hand to help her up. "Donna—"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Take care of yourself."  
  
If only it were that easy. 


	5. Eating for Two

**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Sadly, they don't belong to me. If they did, I wouldn't be waist-deep in college loans to support my education habit :-p  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;)

* * *

**Eating for Two**

* * *

Donna sat at her desk taking calls and doing filing, as usual. There were multiple memos about the upcoming dinner with the Indonesian ambassador scheduled for the following night that all essentially said the same thing and that pile of repetitive memos only grew larger with each passing hour. Josh was out at meetings, so Donna had a few hours to get things done without the "DONNA!" every 15 minutes or so. Josh came back from his meeting with Breckenridge at around 12:30 and put his hand on her shoulder, startling her as he walked back towards his office. 

"How are you doing? Are you okay?"  
"Oh my gosh, you scared me, Josh. Please don't do that."  
"Are you okay?"  
That's an awfully dumb question, now isn't it?" Donna shot back. "I'm sorry Josh, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just really stressed about all," she moved in hands in a circle as if to hold everything between her palms, "this."  
"It's okay. Hey, how would you like to go get some lunch with me? I'll buy."   
"Joshua Lyman, what has come over you? Are you ill?"   
"Please, Donna, I just want to talk to you. We never get to talk anymore unless it's about office business. We used to sit around and shoot the breeze so much more often." He was almost pleading now.  
"Can we order in?" Donna smiled.  
"Chinese it is then."

Josh rubbed her shoulder before heading back into his office.

"This is exactly what I didn't want from him," Donna thought. "I don't want his pity." She watching him descend into the dark depths of his crowded office wondering what was going through his mind.

Josh sat in his office still in shock. He felt like he had been betrayed. Not that he wanted Donna in that way—Donna was very much like a little sister to him. It was more that older brother protection that he felt for her that made him want to kill the guy that had put her in this situation in the first place.

He remembered what happened when his cousin Molly and her boyfriend Tommy got themselves in trouble. Josh was a senior in high school and Tommy was his best friend. Tommy was livid and pushed Molly to have an abortion. Molly went through with the abortion and she had come out of it a complete wreck. She had planned on Tommy's marrying her and raising that baby together, and all she got was an expensive therapist bill at the end of it. Josh had refused to get involved, but tried his best to be supportive and ended up becoming estranged from his cousin and losing his best friend because of the situation. He didn't want to lose Donna too.

Donna dialed the phone to call the Year of the Dragon delivery number and ordered 2 eggrolls, an order of lo mein, a pack of sesame noodles and a pint of wonton soup. Josh always wanted lo mein and an eggroll—he was rather predictable when it came to Chinese food. Donna shouted into his office, "Chinese food will be here in fifteen!"

Fifteen minutes later Josh and Donna sat in Josh's office eating lunch in silence. Donna's early morning revelation was like the elephant in the room for both of them. Each was afraid to be the first to broach the subject with the other. Finally, Josh spoke.

"Does the father know?"  
"Do you think I should tell him?"  
"It's all up to you. He might try to change your mind, but if—" Josh paused, unable to say the word, "what you're doing is expensive, he might be able to help you out."  
"I don't want to tell him."  
"I'm scared for you, you know." Josh uttered the words softly, barely looking at Donna as he said them.  
"I'm scared too. I just hope you're not disappointed in me." Donna looked at the floor as she said it, hoping that he wouldn't hear that last part.  
"I'm not disappointed in you. I support you in what you're doing. I just want you to be sure that you know what you're doing and that you don't feel pressured into anything by anyone. You should do what is best for you and for, you know," Josh gestured at her abdomen.

Donna and Josh looked at each other for a long moment, each amazed at how much the other cared.

Suddenly, the phone rang breaking their concentration and Donna picked up with a rather mechanical, "Josh Lyman," effectively ending their lunch and sending them back into work mode.


	6. Suspicion

**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Sadly, they don't belong to me. If they did, I wouldn't be waist-deep in college loans to support my education habit :-p  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. This is pretty AU.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;)

* * *

**Suspicion**

* * *

Donna sat at her computer while Josh was at his 2:00 meeting with Toby and perused the internet looking for a place that sold the herbs she needed to procure in order to make her mixture. She found a little retail store mentioned called The Herb Box not too far from work that was open until 8, so she wrote on her hand the address of the place, reminding herself to stop there on the way home. 

4 hours later:

It was 6:30 when Josh looked at Donna with sadness in his eyes and told her to go home and to come back when she felt well enough to return, that everything would survive without her. Secretly, Josh wondered what he would do without his right hand, his assistant, the sister he had never had.

Donna packed up her file folders, purse and chinese leftovers, put on her coat and walked toward the building's exit, trying to make as inconspicuous an exit as possible. It was too late, however, for C.J. had already seen Donna and called her over to say hello.

"What are you doing leaving so early?" C.J. asked? "You're normally not out of here before 10. Is Josh sending you out to get him dinner or something?"  
"Nah, he let me go early. I'm not feeling well, so I might not be able to come in tomorrow."  
"Donna, what's going on? You haven't taken a sick day in the entire time you've been here."  
"I have a few built up, so I might as well use them when I'm under the weather, right?"  
"Suit yourself. Anyway, feel better very soon—I'm sure Josh will revert to early boyhood again without you take care of him for the next few days," C.J. chuckled.

Donna gave a weak smile and looked at her watch, hoping to find a way out of the situation. "I hate to leave so soon, but I have to catch the metro back home in 5 minutes, so I'll see you when I'm better. Have a great night, C.J.!" Normally, Donna would have liked to stay and chat with C.J.—it was like talking to Josh, only it was different with C.J., which was always refreshing for the both of them. However, tonight was no ordinary night in the life of Donnatella Moss.

As Donna left the building, C.J. wondered to herself what was wrong with Josh's normally-bubbly assistant. She had seemed very...off and almost distracted during their conversation. C.J. was determined to find out why. She walked over to her assistant's desk and leaned against it, acting casually.

"Hey Carol."  
"Yeah, C.J.?"  
"Have you talked to Donna Moss lately?"  
"Not in great depth, why?"  
"She seemed...fishy today."  
"What do you mean by 'fishy?'"  
"I mean that I just had a conversation with her and she's leaving early and taking a sick day tomorrow."  
"Donna? A sick day? I haven't seen her take one of those in -- "  
"Ever. I have never seen Donna Moss take a sick day," C.J. said.  
"Okay...Hold on," Carol said as she picked up the handset and answered the incoming call in one fell swoop.

As Carol talked on the phone, C.J. went back into her office, trying to figure out what could possibly be going on in the life of the West Wing's second busiest assistant (after Margaret).


	7. Naturopathy and You

**TIMELINE**: This really doesn't fit in, it's more of an AU fic based on my own twisted musings  
**ARCHIVE**: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.  
**DISCLAIMER**: Sadly, they don't belong to me. If they did, I wouldn't be waist-deep in college loans to support my education habit :-p  
**SUMMARY**: Donna finds herself in a difficult situation and makes a choice that no woman should ever be forced to make.  
**SPOILERS**: None. Canon sucks right now, so I'm deviating.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;)

* * *

**"Naturopathy and You"**

* * *

Donna walked the three blocks to The Herb Box and was greeted by the smells of a garden. It smelled like the greenhouse at the University in Madison, where she had grown up. She could distinguish lavender, rose and jasmine scents easily and saw an extensive collection of scented incense in every scent she had ever seen. Towards the back of the store, sitting bored at a cash register, was a teenager with dreadlocked brown hair blowing a bubble gum bubble between her heavily lipsticked lips. Donna managed to evade the girl, but she soon realized that she was the only customer in the small retail establishment, so it was of no use. Donna found the blue and black cohosh rather easily, yet searched around the store unable to find pennyroyal. Finally, the cashier caught up with Donna. 

"Can I help you, ma'am?" she said to Donna's turned back.  
"I'm looking for pennyroyal. Does your store carry it? I've been looking all around this place."  
"Yes, we do, but because it's a very powerful herb, we keep It behind the counter."

As the girl led Donna over to the counter, she wished very much that this store was like the drug store that had those self check-out counters. This was she could have avoided the teenager's gaze and questioning stare.

The girl went behind the counter and opened a drawer with a key. She poked through some bottles that sounded like they could be glass and finally emerged with a bottle of pennyroyal.

"Here ya go ma'am. Are you ready to check out now?""I think I am," Donna said as she took the two glass bottles of cohosh and put them on the counter. She also grabbed a bag of pumpkin seeds, one of her favorite treats from when she was a girl, and put them on the counter as well.

"I like pumpkin seeds too," the girl said to Donna with a smile. "Now, I have to ask, 'cause it's store policy, are you using these herbs as a medicinal remedy? If you are, we have the herbal medicine brochure for free that I have to give you. It basically tells you how to use these things to make any sort of medicine that you need."

"I do plan on using these for medicine, yes," Donna replied to the girl.

"Okay." The cashier slipped a brochure titled "Naturopathy and You" into Donna's brown paper bag. "Your total is $24.57," the girl said, as Donna paid for her items.

Donna left the store and its wonderful smells, making up her mind to return there for pumpkin seeds one of these days. She opened up her pumpkin seeds and began nibbling them, tasting the one at a time.

Pumpkin seeds made her think of her childhood—the seeds were always her favorite. Her father, when he was carving the family pumpkin for Halloween, would always make sure to save the pumpkin seeds for Donna and her mother would put them in the oven to bake them with a little bit of salt for flavor. Donna hadn't had pumpkin seeds in years. She sat on a bench outside the metro station knowing that the next red line in her direction wasn't coming for at least 10 minutes. She wondered if she was making the right choice as she looked into the bag and at the three shiny glass bottles of dried herbs.


End file.
